Wanderlust as a Physical Pain

I never had much of an opportunity to travel.

I was 21 before I really left the island. An exotic vacation to me was a roadtrip to Prince Edward Island. I spent hours scouring for ways to get out and see the world. I dreamt about the Girl Guides’ international camp in Switzerland. I remember my classmates taking group trips to Quebec, but emptying my parents’ pockets for that kind of cash was impossible.

I’m lying a little. My first real taste of travel was a class trip to St. Pierre et Miquelon, a real touch of France just a short ferry ride off the coast of Newfoundland. I was overwhelmed. Just outside my province was a world filled with foreign language, strange coins and conflicting voltage. Mostly I remember how rich the butter was.

To everyone else, however, St. Pierre wasn’t much of a novelty. To me it was everything.

The thing is, I’ve travelled a fair bit over these past few years, but I’m still stuck. Some people don’t understand this. My debt eats about 80% of my pay cheque. I own nothing besides a new bed to cure my insomnia. I find it difficult to comprehend how people can afford these luxuries of travel. I realize I’m extremely fortunate to travel at all, but damn. It’s amazing how debt makes the final decision, for now.

Sometimes I want to shut down my computer and hide away from it. The wanderlust. The insatiable, incurable, overwhelming need to move. Travel. Leave. Explore. It’s like a punch in the gut or a slap in the face. Do you feel it too? Some days I have to stop reading the adventures of others. Like today. Because I’m 23 and I’m still young but a lot can happen in a short amount of time. And while I know I’ll get there someday, whether it’s a gap year or a random trip, it seems about as far away as paying off my student loans. A whopping six years with my maximum payments.

And on that note, I’m temporarily feeding my addiction by spending three days in Halifax this weekend. My best friend has already warned others of my arrival. I’ve effectively set up a self-celebration party with a guy I met last weekend who lives there. And damn I’m going to soak up this experience for all its worth.

February 15 2010

GotPassport

Dearest Candice,

I get you. I feel your pain. I understand it completely, more than you know. You’re 23 and you have this physical pain now, so imagine me at 43.. ha ha!

Hang in there friend.. and you know what? don’t you compromise for anything less. Make it happen.. trust me, you’d want to do everything in your power to make it happen or the pain gets worse, at least it did for me.

We have student loans too.. between me and my husband we have a lot… so if we are chasing after curing the wanderlust in our 40’s, so can you!

If nothing else, I’m here to cheer you on and support you until you get there.

Start with a passion board and hang it on your wall, stare at it, make it happen!!

hugs,
aye

- February 16 2010
  
  Rishi
  
  Hi Candice
  I’m 31, passed through 46 countries, on a trip right now, so it’ll be 48 countries by the end of the trip and the pain doesn’t pass … well not as yet. I’ve changed jobs and basically did my schooling so I could be in a field that would allow me compensated travel or the ability to be independent from any employer.
  Stick to your dreams … don’t compromise … the world will bend to your whims :D
  
  Rish
  
  - February 16 2010
    
    Candice
    
    Hahaha, seems like that’s the common sentiment…you’re all telling me this never disappears?! Damn.
    
    - February 16 2010
      
      rishi
      
      Well I don’t think it disappears. All the advice about getting rid of your debt is good advice, as you get older, I have seen the effects of letting it linger on with other people and it can be as soul crushing as not be able to go traveling.
      The ability to pick up and leave when you want, is a treasure that only comes once you’re free of the debt load. I worked 4 part time jobs concurrently through undergrad and grad – just so I would have no debt. :)
      
      - February 19 2010
        
        Candice
        
        I wish I had done the same! Feeling a bit better about this whole thing now though. Can’t wait to put it behind me.
        
- February 16 2010
  
  Candice
  
  Thanks, Aye! It’s refreshing to know you can still travel with debt, and I guess student loans are the easiest to deal with. I’ll get there eventually! And totally making the passion board when I’m able, hehe. I have so many craft materials, it’s a little ridiculous.
  
  - February 16 2010
    
    GotPassport
    
    student loans are not bad debts in my humble opinion- usually with a very low interest rate. As Suzie Orman would say it is a good debt. Both of us, my husband and I, have graduate degrees and so that added up to the pile even more. For us having only student loans is something we can live with. We have a child also. But hey we’re on our way to live in Thailand and who knows where else we’ll detour to. Seriously, I just know one of these days I’ll be reading about how your wanderlust is no longer a physical pain but a source of joy!
    
    - February 19 2010
      
      Candice
      
      I hope you’re right. :) And yes, student loans aren’t a difficult debt to deal with. Just feels like a lot.
      
February 16 2010

Christopher Mercer

K, this will likely be the first and only comment I ever make to you that is in anyway critical but it is something I have wondered about for a while now. You make the muse that you can’t travel because you have so much debt. This is something a large percentage of recent students face. For the most part it is something most people struggle with until the kids are raised and gone from the time they leave school. For the most part you will always have debt of some kind. A mortgage, a car payment, etc. Then there is the cash you sack away so you can eventually one day stop working.

But right now, I have a rhetorical question to ask. How much do you spend getting blue-blind paralytic drunk on a regular basis? How much a week? a month? a year? If you scaled back what could you save? I know from my own experience that one of my biggest social habits was also one of my biggest drains on my wallet.

I offer no answers because if I had any I’d be less debt ridden from school myself. But I offer tons of support! I’d love to read about your travels and see you reach your dreams. Short of selling yourself do what ever you need to achieve them.

*hugs*

- February 16 2010
  
  Candice
  
  Hahahaha, no worries Chris. You’re right, it’s my one big indulgence. But even then, I typically only venture out once a weekend (last weekend was an exception), and the most I’ll ever spend is $40. It adds up over time but considering I’m basically in front of a computer from 9 am. – 1 a.m. these days, if I don’t blow off steam every once a week or so, I’ll probably implode. I do a lot to cut back on the going out expenses…no drinks downtown, I leave my credit card and wallet at home, I don’t need to take cabs anywhere anymore, etc.
  
  But I have made lots of other mistakes. Lasik for example (not a mistake, the loan was).
  
  And the mortgage, car payments etc. are absolutely of no interest to me…I can do without!
  
  - February 16 2010
    
    Christopher Mercer
    
    “if I don’t blow off steam every once a week or so, I’ll probably implode.”
    get a man :P LOL
    
    Loves ya and you know it.
    
    - February 19 2010
      
      Candice
      
      Y’know, I feel like if I started dating, my stories wouldn’t nearly be as fun. hahaha.
      
February 16 2010

Dave and Deb

Good for you for paying off the maximum of your student debt and getting it over with. I have friends that are well into their thirties and still paying off student debt. I couldn’t imagine that. You will be on the road in no time.
I remember doing a project in High School french class about St. Pierre et Miquelon. I had no idea that there was this little french country just off the coast of Canada. So cool that you have been there.

- February 19 2010
  
  Candice
  
  Thanks! It’s an AMAZING place, you must check it out sometime…kinda has a Newfoundland feel, but it’s France. Totally bizarre.
  
February 16 2010

maggie

first off, i hear you on debt. it has given me pause a couple of times. probably, I shouldn’t have gone to BC for new years… but I had never been. and i had a wicked awesome time. And probably, I shouldn’t have maxe dout my student line of credit to go on a trip to mexico with my classmates after exams…. but I had just finished VET SCHOOL. in theory, i now make good money…

I’ve been lucky, though. I have managed to travel and see the world a little bit, despite living below the poverty line most of my life. Besides going back to PEI annually, we went to Florida as kids (mum had long time friend who used her airmiles to bring us down for a visit), my brother went to Kenya (his best friend’s family was relocated there for a few years, and they managed to get their work to pay for the visit), and I went to France (woman I babysat for took me as a nanny. I actually made money on this trip.). Admittedly, though, I’ve never been to Montreal or Quebec City, which is apparently absurd if you grew up in Ottawa, but whatever…

anyhow. you gotta feed the urge to travel however you can:) For me it’s more an urge to get away (having a dog is like having a child… sometimes I’m not sure which holds me back more, the debt or the dog ;P ) Went back to PEI last fall, went to BC for the first time over new year’s, going to NS in March, Ontario in April… none of this is hugely exciting, and i will be paying off student loan for the rest of my natural life, but you only live once so better enjoy it :) I say, take whatever opportunities you can… things will happen for you :)

- February 19 2010
  
  Candice
  
  I agree! These small trips will make up for the wanderlust for now, sigh. And at least you know you have a good solid career ahead of ya! Funny, I would never have expected you to be in debt, being a doctor and all, haha. I keep forgetting you grew up in Ottawa, I love that place.
  
February 16 2010

Monica

Candice, I feel your pain. I’m at a job with a 50 hour work week, 13 hour weekly travel and I spend most of my weekends studying for my GMAT. I’m saving money for grad school so I don’t have to take out a ginormous amount of loans. So in the mean time, I also bask in other’s travels and live vicariously through them. But I still try my best to find time and money to travel. All it takes to have that wanderlust sock me in the face is just one look out the window. Being contrained in 4 walls drains the life out of me.

- February 19 2010
  
  Candice
  
  Seriously! Agh! You’re studying for your GMAT though? Good on you, you’ll make it just fine. ;)
  
February 16 2010

Julie

Candice-

You’ll get more advice than you can shake a stick at in response to this post, but to add… you’re so smart to take care of the debt now. I’m 32 and broke and though I wouldn’t change any of my decisions or experiences for anything, I have to live with the financial consequences of those decisions every day. And as the primary source of income in a family with a 4 month old baby, it gets scary and hairy sometimes. ;)

- February 19 2010
  
  Candice
  
  Heheh yeah, I don’t have many regrets, besides maybe working my way through school. In my fourth year of University, I worked part time and it was way more manageable than I could have imagined…even made the honour roll. I’m in a fortunate position compared to some people, it seems.
  
February 16 2010

Shannon OD

I echo these other sentiments that you will thank yourself down the road for getting out of debt now. And you seem to have the right attitude, that even fun smaller trips nearby are still incredible experiences…and for what it’s worth, I only fully got out of credit card debt two weeks ago and that’s the first time in a years :-) It just takes time and as ultra-cheesy as it sounds, I think of that Martina McBride song, This Ones for the Girls, and I figure that I’m not the only one with some financial struggles :-) Can’t wait to read about your travels, because you will get there!

- February 19 2010
  
  Candice
  
  WOOT, congrats on getting out of credit card debt!! That’s my first big one to conquer. Thanks for the encouragement, Shannon!
  
February 16 2010

Caroline in the City

I’m the same way. I don’t have a job or spending money for TBEX but am hoping I figure something out!

- February 19 2010
  
  Candice
  
  Tax refunds, baby!
  
February 16 2010

Suzy

It is a physical pain! I hate and love it at the same time. I actually start craving to go somewhere. Student loans are the worst though, or just trying to save at all for travel. I get that feeling sometimes that I won’t save enough to travel, that I will just keep going back to square one and get nowhere. HOWEVER, like you said, 23 is not that old. It will happen.

- February 19 2010
  
  Candice
  
  I know! I made some poor decisions with debt lately. Fortunately my friend is a financial advisor so he’s helping me out. But now feels like the time to travel, y’know?
  
February 17 2010

Corbin

My bones ache for more travel, I want to get on a plane tonight and leave somewhere exotic. But like you, I’m stuck, and unfortunately, I plan on being stuck a while longer. Probably another year or two. I’m going back to School this fall…thankfully it’s no 4 year degree or anything, but i’ll be taking out a student loan, gettin all the bells and whistles. Which means I’m probably grounded (more or less) until I get that all sorted out.

I’m just trying to keep sane by doing local trips, hence the ibackpackcanada, lol. Even local trips though can set you back, so I’m trying to weigh out whether to get a quick fix now, or save like a M-Effer and just go all out right away.

You’ll find your way out on the road soon enough! Ur a smart cat, a great writer, and obviously have a passion to get out there and explore. In depressing cases like this wine, whiskey, or rum is the only thing to cure the achy breaky travelin bone. Just make sure it’s on sale. lol, have fun in Hali! Make the best of it!

- February 19 2010
  
  Candice
  
  You’re a great ambassador of Canadian travel, Corbin! You’re right though, even doing the local thing is quite expensive. Can’t believe how much a weekend in Halifax is costing me, and I paid with Airmiles.
  
  Thanks for the encouragement. :)
  
February 17 2010

Sabina

This is beautifully written! It’s almost a tear jerker, seriously. I’m glad it had a happy ending.

- February 19 2010
  
  Candice
  
  Thanks dear!
  
February 17 2010

Cathey

True message at any age. It’s difficult, but you’re so on the right track by being diligent with finances. Getting those burdens out of the way at 23 means you won’t be 33 and juggling both. (ahem)

It sucks for a little while, but it’s worth it in the long run. And I think you’ll have a party, be the life of the party, or start a party no matter where you are!

- February 19 2010
  
  Candice
  
  Thanks Cathey! I hope you’re right, most seem to agree.
  
February 17 2010

Amiee

Many years back I was hanging out with this guy who had been everywhere, like seriously had done everything I had ever dreamed of and I got all bitter and stuff and he was like “I had never been out of the country at your age,” and I was 26. He was a total inspiration and motivated my ass to figure out a way to get out there soon.

- February 19 2010
  
  Candice
  
  Hehe, yeah, I’ve met some people like that. Most of them are spoiled and rich though. Agh!
  
February 18 2010

Lola

That’s the spirit Candice! Short weekend breaks away are like snacks to saty your hunger for now.

More importantly, take care of your debt. That’s your responsibility at the moment. The only real debt I have is a condo I owe which has lost half its value in just a year! Made sure I paid off everything else before I jumped the 9-5 ship.

Currently blessed to have renters covering at least 60% of the mortgage. Yep, just 60%.

Everyone else’s “travelling” life isn’t always so seemingly effortless. Remember, lots of writers take press trips and other comps as well.

- February 19 2010
  
  Candice
  
  You’re right Lola, and it’s great to hear that from other more experienced travellers. Makes me feel a whole lot better about being in the red right now…I can’t imagine a life being debt free! Amazing.
  
February 18 2010

SpunkyGirl

I hear you on the debt side of things. It does get better though. Although I won’t tell you my exact age, I am older and traveling more. Sometimes I think I wasted my 20’s working and living from paycheque to paycheque- especially when I see so many 20-something travelers out there. But I’m a more grounded person now. My travel style is more relaxed from when I was younger and I can enjoy things more.

Wanderlust is a travelers sickness. I think all travelers have it when they’re home, itching to be on the road. Friends think that when I travel I’m running away from my life at home. But other travelers know that when a person travels its to discover and explore. Travel is your happy place where you’re more you. Hope that makes sense! haha

Cheer up…remember we’re all going to NYC at the end of June :D

- February 19 2010
  
  Candice
  
  That’s my fear, that I’m giving up my 20s…one of the best times to travel when I’m single, happy and have no REAL problems. But that’s silly too…people travel at no matter what age. Thanks! PUMPED for TBEX…and fake moustaches.
  
February 19 2010

Chris

I’ll echo SpunkyGirl’s message that I feel like I wasted my early 20’s and now seriously regret not having put some money aside. While I am lucky to not have any student loans I do have a significant loan fro my car (which I hope to pay off when I sell it).

Perhaps its because I’m further down the road than you both in age and date till I leave to travel, but I calm the travel beast by talking to others about it. Reading blogs and knowing that it is going to happen, not it will happen at some stage but it will happen.

February 19 2010

Everywhereist

Candice –

First off, don’t worry. Being 23 was agony for me. I remember that very clearly. The problem is, you start to realize exactly who you are, and exactly what you want, and you have no idea how the fuck to get it. It’s excruciating, and you wonder if you’ll ever, ever get where you want to be.

And you will. I promise. I sincerely do. Because you are already so far ahead of the game: you know that you want to travel, you’re a fantastic writer, and you’ve got a loyal following. The only thing holding you back is cash, and TRUST ME, that will fall into place in the strangest and craziest ways. And when 29 does roll around (faster than you can imagine) you will think two things: 1.) where the hell did the time go? 2.) No matter, because every day is better than the last.

I am so excited for you. The rest of your 20s are going to be amazing. :)

- February 25 2010
  
  Candice
  
  *sigh* Thank you G! Can I call you G? I hope you’re right, it’s really awesome to hear such words of wisdom from someone who’s been there. Thanks!
  
February 20 2010

Carlo

I didn’t read through all 41 of those comments, but yes…debt, debt, debt. Get rid of it. Once you’re out of debt, and without a mortgage, car payments, TV payments, the Brick’s “don’t pay til 2020” living room sets, you’ll find how easy it is to save money and travel. Debt sucks. Period.

- February 25 2010
  
  Candice
  
  Aghhh, you are so right…only..ten years to go?!
  
February 22 2010

AdventureRob

I’m always on hand on msn if you want some financial advice. It’s not nice, but sitting down and sorting it out helps get it all sorted asap.

- February 25 2010
  
  Candice
  
  I have an advisor, we’re working on some things now. :)
  
February 24 2010

Leigh

How about apartment/condo/house swapping??
Enter any and all contests. Someone has to win. Then sell the stuff and voila – money for a trip. Ok- I know you have to win first.
I collected beer bottles in university to finance my beer drinking habit. In fact a fellow in North Vancouver financed a whole trip on empties! Start collecting.

- February 25 2010
  
  Candice
  
  Arg, I’ve already handed over all my recyclables to the Girl Guides movement…sending some girls to camp…figure it’s good karma, right? I’ll figure this stuff out eventually! Thanks!
  
February 25 2010

Nancy

I can’t add any new advice to the slew of wonderful comments, but from my experience the wanderlust pain never goes away. I’m wanderlusting like crazy right now and we just spent our travel budget for the year (or next…) in Argentina last month. I like to think it’s healthy to have that hunger. It means you’re always learning, hoping, and feeling in contact with the world.

- February 25 2010
  
  Candice
  
  You’re right, and I hope it’s something that never changes, seriously. And you just bought a new house, so at least you have something to occupy your time with, woot!
  
February 25 2010

Claire

there! a host of people that empathize and know what it means to feel pain over being stuck at home, NEEDING to go somewhere, but cannot for various pains. yes, it is pain, and it is real. i too, need to slam my laptop shut at times, in avoidance of OPT (Other People’s Travels). Ha. I am getting married in three months, and am wondering just how much this is going to curb my quasi-vagrant lifestyle. My intended is not as travel enthused as me, and neither of us are rich. And, well, things just change when you get married. Or so I hear. Now, off I go to slam my laptop shut once more. Siiight. This must be love.

- February 25 2010
  
  Claire
  
  ha, I meant to say “cannot for various REASONS” above.
  
- February 25 2010
  
  Candice
  
  Hahahaha, it’s a little scary, eh? I think about that a lot, the future…if I suddenly change course and just want toget married and have babies and live in a little house with a white picket fence. Who says we can’t have our cake and eat it too? Besides Jenny Craig.