I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: I’m a really bad traveller sometimes.

I don’t mean that in like a “I suck as a travelling companion” type deal, but all that technical stuff? I’m SO BAD AT IT. I continuously make the same mistakes before and after a trip. I know that most of my friends think I’m a flake, but I prefer to think I’m more…aloof. A daydreamer? Who knows. Alright I’m a goddamned flake. Happy now?

If you can commiserate with me on any of these travel mistakes, please do share. Or maybe hey, you’ve got a trip coming up and this will help jog your memory.

Thinking that every airport is like the St. John’s International Airport

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the St. John’s International Airport. It has one terminal. There are maybe eight gates. Going through security and check-in takes about as much time as ordering a Big Mac. I’m never in a rush to get there, and this unfortunately hasn’t worked in my favour lately.

The thing is, Newfoundland is growing. Particularly St. John’s. And there are a LOT of flights coming through nowadays, and so the airport needs to expand. Recommended check-in time: one hour in advance? Pfffft. Please.

I misjudge all airports, including this ancient one on Naxos island.Except, no seriously, go earlier than one hour in advance. I missed a flight to Montreal once because I dicked around with this. And then I’ll find myself in a foreign country actually needing HOURS in advance to check-in, and I always underestimate things. Such was the experience in Croatia when I arrived late for my flight from Dubrovnik to Scotland, and had to fight through a line-up of hundreds of people while I wove in and out of consciousness in a sweltering terminal doing everything in my power not to collapse or puke in my handbag thanks to a crippling bladder infection that WOULD NOT QUIT. I was high on Imodium and painkillers. If I didn’t make it on that plane and out of that godforsaken country, I would have shot myself.

Not packing a hairbrush

WHY? WHY this thing? My hair is like three metres long and it’s a massive curly disaster if I don’t meticulously shampoo, condition, and then untangle the chaos with two of my brushes. Remember that time I came back from Croatia with Matt the Mat stuck in my hair, and my hairdresser had to cut it out, and I reminded her of the STRAY CAT outside her house? Or most recently, that time my hair started falling out in clumps? You’d THINK I’d be a little more conscious of my hair needs.

 

Not writing down the address of where I’m staying

Oh boy. I always forget those trusty immigration forms. A nice smile and good looks won’t get you everywhere (although it’s worked remarkably well in my case lately).

So after that whole awkward bladder infection thing in Dubrovnik, there was only one goal on my mind: get to Glasgow from Croatia where my friend Julia would take good care of me. Nothing else mattered. NOTHING! I landed in Edinburgh and went through customs and then the agent asked me where I was staying. Not only did I NOT know Julia’s address, but at that point, I hadn’t booked my connecting flight from Glasgow to Dublin where I’d be flying back to Canada. I actually can’t believe the agent let me in, but I’m fairly certain I was close to being detained.

Not writing down my return flight details

See above. I didn’t even have my Westjet flight details from Dublin to St. John’s. Because that’s a good idea.

Not checking in advance about travel restrictions and visas

I’m really dumb about this (as is obvious by now). I guess for the most part I’ve travelled many countries that don’t require visas, because the world generally tends to like Canadians. But obviously that’s not always the case, and it wasn’t when I was hitting up Turkey this year. Not only is a visa required in advance, but I needed to print it out AND I needed to pay $75CAD. I have no idea why the Turks hate Canadians, but there it is.

Fortunately, my Couchsurfing hosts in Greece arranged for THEIR friends to print me off my visa so I could make my way to Ayvalik, Turkey. My luck sometimes; it’s truly a wonder how I haven’t met any disasters yetINSTANTLY REGRET WRITING THAT SENTENCE WITH IMPENDING FLIGHT IN FOUR DAYS.

Injuries, constantly

Here are a few injuries that happened just this year.

This epic ass bruise I acquired after falling out of bed in my Athens hotel.

Someone dropped a beer bottle on a dance floor, it shattered, and a piece of the bottled jumped up and slashed my shin. I STILL HAVE A SCAR.

Finally, I fell off a yacht tied up at the wharf, smashed my face into the pavement, and sustained several other pavement injuries.

Not packing the right power adapters

Why? Why, why why? Adapters and converters and why is this so hard for me?

What do you always forget?

In other news, I’m headed to Miami this Sunday where I’ll be hopping on a Carnival Cruise to Turks and Caicos, and the Bahamas. All thanks to Cailin O’Neil, and her bountiful Airmiles! I’m taking a real vacation, believe it or not. Turns out that if you complain about the lack of sunshine long enough, you’ll actually get it! Just not in Newfoundland. A little more south.

I’ve never done a cruise. I can’t wait to party in the sun with 40-year-old couples whom hate each other! Wish me luck!