Sometimes I go a whole week without washing my hair.
I tell myself that this is because my wild red tangles will dry out too quick if I’m constantly shampooing, but in reality I just hate having to wrench a brush through my mane afterwards. Plus, I have SO much hair. I’d go through a bottle a week.
Hairdryers? For suckers. Towel dry. I’m blessed with natural curls that only require a dab of mousse or hair product to make that frizzy-ness disappear! I usually opt for the $1 Herbal Essences mousse forever on sale at Sobey’s (same goes for shampoo and conditioner).
For awhile I travelled with a little bit of Moroccan Oil. Mostly because it smells nice, and because I once subscribed to Ipsy’s monthly make-up bags and nearly two years later I’m still working my way through all the products. Why on earth would a company send me fucking silver eyeshadow? Do people actually wear it? I still have it anyway because I hate throwing out things.
If pressed for time, simply put hair in tight ponytail. If you have short hair, I can’t help you. Grow it.
The best shaving razors are those cheap plastic Bic ones that come 30 in a pack for like $2. Don’t bother spending money on shaving gel — just use your cheap Herbal Essences hair conditioner.
Wash your face with a facecloth dipped in lukewarm water. That’s it. Alternatively if you don’t want to travel with a soggy facecloth you can pick up those make-up wipes at most pharmacies for about $3 and although I’m sure the alcohol burns holes through your skin it’s totally worth it. Moisturize. Just find the cheapest brand at Shopper’s Drug Mart. I prefer Keri’s.
Before your flight, find pants with minimal seams. Jeans won’t work. You’ll need leggings, or jeggings, or sweatpants. I choose sweatpants. I’m sweatpants influential.
A sweater is a good cover-up of choice. But like, a hoodie. Not a nice sweater-and-scarf combination. It doesn’t matter if you’re only flying for an hour, it just makes no sense to torture yourself with complicated clothes.
I just realized that clothes has nothing to do with make-up. Shit. That’s how little I know about what I’m talking about.
If you have concealer, attempt to conceal the dark purple bags underneath those eyeballs of yours. Heaven forbid people know you’re tired because you live a full life of juggling multiple jobs, student loan debt, and crippling anxiety! I can’t afford concealer so I just layer on foundation a few times until nobody can see my silly freckles any longer. These things matter.
Blonde eyelashes and eyebrows are completely taboo, btw. You can’t look as though you have nothing on your face, for godssake.
Pencil in those eyebrows until you have the unnatural look of a painted marionette. If you can’t afford an eyebrow pencil at least get a nice mascara — that’s the one thing you SHOULD have.
I do also love eyeshadow, though. Necessary for selfies and late-nights-at-the-club kinda thing. The smoky cat-eyed look works on the foreign men every time. I usually take one palette of eyeshadow with me — and no, I don’t mean the 48-piece Urban Decay kind. Maybe two colours. Guess where I buy my eyeshadow? Ding ding! The pharmacy’s cosmetic section.
Sometimes I ditch my Kindle for a lipstick because who actually needs to learn anything new when travelling?
But usually I just carry a tube of ‘gloss or some chapstick, both of which I’m bound to lose within the first 24 hours of my journey.
The one thing I don’t skimp on: perfume. I don’t care how expensive my Dior Poison is, I need it in my life. It’s perfect. Mostly because then when I don’t shower it doesn’t matter.
Anyway.
Finally, there’s nailpolish and all the bloody essentials that come with it: nailpolish remover, a pair of clippers, and a file. Fortunately these come in travel sizes but they’ll still weigh you down like your miserable ex boyfriend. I suggest throwing all those things away and gnawing those nails into a fine, jagged stump. Low maintenance is boss!
Follow my 2389232 simplified step-by-step travel beauty routine and you’ll be snapping those gorgeous model poses on Instagram in no time!
