A P-Mate is â€œlike a cardboard shoe with the toe cut off.â€ You place the wide end under your urethra, and let â€˜er go. Make sure the opening at the end is actually open, and aim away from your shoes. No more mess, no more unsanitary public toilets!
Unfortunately, I found the concept difficult to grasp at first. I mean, Iâ€™m from isolated, coastal Newfoundland and Labrador. Iâ€™ve been mastering the â€œsquat-and-peeâ€ since I was old enough to drink beer in the forest. Thirteen years old.
But early one morning (like 3 a.m.), when some friends and I decided to head to Cape Spear to be the first people to watch the sun rise in North America, I decided it was time to push my doubts aside and attempt to pee like a man.
It wasnâ€™t easy. I still did the squat, it just felt natural. So I half-squatted, and peed, much to the horror of my male companion who then tried to teach me the true way. I even pushed my chest back and whistled.
First I thought I was peeing all over my hand, but I could just feel warm pee through the cardboard. Also, I was a little intoxicated. Maggie witnessed my freak-out first hand. Oh god, have I said too much? Am I too masculine now? Will this pink font eradicate your doubts? Can someone tell me Iâ€™m pretty?
Anyway. I really like the P-Mates, and I want to try them again in a more controlled environment. For the record, I later squatted in the old war barracks with my butt exposed, experienced some â€œsplash-backâ€ (Iâ€™m not quite the pro I thought I was), and mooned a well-dressed couple strolling along the trail for some sunrise nookie. In these cases, totally worth the stand-and-pee capabilities.
My next test? Iâ€™m gonna stroll into the menâ€™s bathroom, whip out my P-Mate at the urinal, wink at the guy next to me and say, â€œHow you doinâ€™?â€