Oh hello. You didn’t know I went to Jamaica two months ago? That’s because LIFE HAS BEEN CRAZY.

But so was Jamaica, in the good kind of way. I mean the good kind of way where the most difficult decision I had to make daily was, “Swim-up bar, or beach?”

I was there for two weeks, filling in as the groom honeymoon counterpart for one of my best friends, Ashley. By the second week, once most of the wedding crew had dispersed, a few of us decided to actually get out and explore from Negril.

We met a dude named John Wayne who took us out for the day. I loved this guy, he was totally honest and later he became our escort to the bar so we wouldn’t get stabbed. If you’re in Negril, hit him up.

Anyway, the day ended at YS Falls, a 7-tiered waterfall where you can also go zip-lining in the canopy, or tubing down the river. We happened to show up about 30 minutes before closing, and it had just started raining HARD. Like, monsoon rain.

(Excuse the shitty photography. I took a waterproof point-and-shoot on my trip, thinking I’d be entirely unplugged the whole time. How naive.)

In actuality, the rain did us a favour; this normally tourist-clogged attraction was dead empty. I mean, we were literally the only people there. We were going to get wet anyway, so who cares? Several of our crew stayed behind, but the few remaining brave souls decided to head on up.

A guide popped out from the trees and basically became my personal photographer. What ensued was one of the most awkward, brilliant photo shoots of my whole life.

It started out good, on a rope swing.

But what you can’t see here is the awesome manhandling that took place to get me up there to begin with.

Then I posed like this.

I’m self-conscious about my figure in the best of times, never mind when a muscly Jamaican is snapping my photo. A few days earlier, on Seven Mile Beach, two Jamaicans had chased after me while one tried to hold my hand as he whispered into my ear: “Girrrrrrl, I like your shape.”

Then I got a waterfall massage, while being totally oblivious to the fact that my bikini top is revealing my boobs.

Oh look, now I see.

And again, this special moment which starts out fine…

Until I realize my dr’ars are around my ankles.

Oh my! What a charmer I am.

Thank you, oh handsome Jamaican waterfall guide, for providing me a collection of photos that caused me to laugh for days.