Walk around aimlessly, and wander into a ridiculous bar named Kavarna Mlynska where an eccentric local artist named David Cerny created the bar-top display, complete with plastic vagina and fingers from the morgue. After getting sufficiently liquored, break out the Canada flags and the flashy headgear, and rent a paddle-boat on the Vltava. When you get harassed by Brits on a stag party, flee to the nearest beer garden and make friends with other Canadians. Sing the Canadian anthem on the riverfront.
This is how you celebrate the true North strong and free.
Yes, your first stop is Kavarna Mlynska, which you accidentally stumbled upon while running around Kampa. The cute bartenders will entertain you with stories about Cerny, and the Pilsner is delicious. The whole pub is inside a former water mill, and it’s pretty much tourist free.
Most certainly a used condom.
Along with your friend Natalie, find your Australian pal, Alys, and drag her along to rent a paddle-boat on the Vltava. Along the way, random folks will sing out, “Happy Canada Day!” and fellow Canadians will stop to shoot the shit. And as everything in Prague typically comes with booze in hand, stock up on beer and champagne before boarding a little boat (not the giant swan, unfortunately) and heading out on the river.
Two Brits will hijack your boat and tie theirs to yours. You won’t remember their names, only screaming, “PADDLE! PADDLE! PADDLE!” every time a ferry or tour boat comes chugging your way. Your nerves have unravelled.
They will steal your flag; agree to meet them at a beer garden on the other side of the river because Natalie needs to find a toilet before her bladder explodes. Find a secluded picnic table and sit down to order. You’ll suddenly spot a little Canadian flag on the other side of the garden.
“Hey look, there are Canadians over there!” you’ll say. And upon further inspection: “Wait a second…it’s the Brits.”
Those bastards have found a new table and took your flag with them.
Your goal is to casually stroll up to their posse, snatch the flag, and run. However, as you come nearer, the Brits’ faces will light up and you’ll find yourself beaming as well. “There they are! We found you more Canadians!”
Suddenly everyone will chatter at once, exchanging provincial pleasantries and talking about Prague and Omigawwwd isn’t life wonderful?
Yes, life is wonderful.
Two more girls join you. “Are you guys Canadian?” they inquire.
“HEEEY-OOOOOOO!” Cheers all around, tables turning their heads to look at us.
Someone has the bright idea to film everyone singing the national anthem in front of the river. You’ll panic and wonder if you even know the song by heart. So will the others.
And that’s exactly what you’ll do…rather awkwardly, for sure.
Eventually you’ll remove the headgear and the flags once you join the rest of the city in the Old Town Square, where everyone has gathered for the Eurocup final. Even maple leafs can’t compete with Eurocup.
