Actually, you don’t HAVE to travel solo

I’ve been a little uncomfortable with the attention I’ve received over the last little while as a solo traveller.

Because, actually, I don’t really like solo travel. And I’m kinda really shitty at doing it.

There’s been a big shift in the travel blog scene lately encouraging people (especially women) to travel solo. And that’s awesome; I’m totally into that. I won’t NOT travel because I’m afraid to go somewhere alone, but…I just kinda hate it. I prefer my memories with other people. I like having a sidekick. I swear I’m not needy; I only need to hear “you’re pretty” a few times per day.

I don’t think I would have travelled at all if I didn’t have to opportunity to study abroad with a small group of people in 2007. I didn’t know any of them when I started out. I’ve alluded to my travel anxieties before, how sometimes I refuse to leave my accommodations because I’m so damned nervous about the chaos and clamor around me.

Travelling with a group eased me into it.

(Drinking beer in a canola field would be a whole lot weirder if I were alone.)
I graduated high school with 19 classmates. I started my first years of university in Corner Brook, a small town with a campus of about 2000 people. I found the experience terrifying. I had actually opted for this campus because I found the idea of moving to the grand metropolis of St. John’s even more overwhelming. St. John’s is hardly a city, by the way…it’s a big town. But now you see where I’m coming from.

So when I went to London on a weekend trip with a group of girls, boarding the London Underground was probably the scariest thing I had done in life up until that point. I’m not kidding. You city folks take that shit for granted – the seas of people, the assertiveness with which you have to make it onto the train, the sketchy characters you meet along the way. This wasn’t long after the London bombings, and at one point we were forced to evacuate the train due to a “suspicious” package. I was suffering from a seizure disorder at that point (still am, we’ll save that for later), and I was so terrified, I started having small seizures almost immediately. I remember a man leaning out the window between two train cars, eyes closed, visibly dripping sweat onto the tracks. My mind immediately went to, “OH my god, he’s on drugs and he’s gonna KILL ME!”

Thank heavens mercy that those girls were with me to calm me down, despite hardly knowing me at all.

I travel more on my own, now, after having that kind of aid to show me the ropes. Around Canada, which is easy. And Ireland, which is probably equally easy. I usually find connections quickly in a place, so I have someone. But I Couchsurfed with strangers in Galway and biked around the Aran Islands all on my lonesome, and I felt proud about it.

Just…lonely.

(Missing from my Aran Islands photos…any photos of me, at all.)
I’m not an extrovert. I don’t think I’m an introvert. I crave company and alone-time, equally. Where’s the balance for ambiverts? WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE AMBIVERTS?

When I look back on my Ireland experience, my best memories happened once my friend Julia showed up. We were hardly friends at the time, united only because her ex-boyfriend had been a roommate of mine. Now we’re like, totally BFFS4LYFE.

I was more adventurous with her around. More eager to pop into bars, more eager to talk to men, more willing to make an ass of myself when I had a counterpart in tow. People were also more drawn to us…which probably doesn’t say a great deal about me. But when you’ve got a tall, leggy blonde by your side, suddenly everyone notices. She gets angry when I talk about how everyone fell in love with her, but it’s true.

My favourite memory: hanging out with some new friends at a nightclub in Sligo, I overheard a girl referring to me and Julia as “Heidi Klum and her friend over there.” It was too hilarious to be offensive.

(A weird friendship that could only bloom through travel.)
The thing is, there’s no right way to travel. You just do whatever the hell you want to do, as long as you’re doing it. And I know the advocates for solo travel aren’t promoting the kind of opinion that you HAVE to travel solo, but I just wanted to say once and for all.

I hate solo travel.

And you’re allowed to, too.

  • August 28 2013
    RW

    I’m not a fan of solo travel either. Granted my experiences are limited in comparison.

    The strangest (and arguable saddest) part of solo travel is not having someone to greet you when you come off the escalator. But in due time, that will change.

    It was only after I got my sea legs I got the hang of being solo in the city of angels. Like you, I also fall in the introvert/ambivert spectrum, and have problems dealing with large crowds and facing conflict head-on.

    So when I had a London Underground moment — facing a Bloods set sitting next to me, taunting other members on the train. I was shaking like a leaf. Something this Newf would never imagine in a million years… yet I got through it unscathed.

    After I stepped off that Train I made a dart to the LAFD HQ. And made a friend in the process. The next day I befriended a science fiction author. Things kept going in a positive direction. Making friends that I otherwise would never meet in Sin John’s.

    Overall, I believe the point of solo travel is to keep on trucking. Eventually you meet someone that makes you feel safe. Even if you don’t know them to begin with. Seatmates. Cab drivers. Store clerks. People at bus stops. Etc.

    It gets better with practice :)

    • September 03 2013

      Hahaha, crazy how similar our experiences are! Too funny. Practice makes perfect, I suppose.

      And I agree. I always hate arriving anywhere without someone to greet me. Not sure why that is.

  • August 28 2013
    camorose

    I’m totes an ambivert. The main reason that I started traveling alone was just because I couldn’t convince my friends to come with me. That said, some of my favorite memories from that first solo trip are the friends I made–I’m still super close (think THREE long road trips) with one of the girls I met on a bike tour in Munich. But as I get older, I prefer to share those memories with someone else–whenever I go somewhere awesome alone, I just think about how much fun it would be to come back with my boyfriend or best friend or family!

    • September 03 2013

      I’m exactly in the same boat. I’ve made some amazing friends while travelling, for sure. Stoked for some upcoming trips with friends!

  • August 28 2013
    Lauren @BonVoyageLauren

    TEAM AMBIVERTS! Solo travel is great if you meet great people along the way but sometimes it’s just damn lonely. Great post! I definitely prefer traveling with others as well.

  • August 28 2013
    Lauren @BonVoyageLauren

    TEAM AMBIVERTS! Solo travel is great if you meet great people along the way but sometimes it’s just damn lonely. Great post! I definitely prefer traveling with others as well.

  • August 28 2013
    Kate Clarke

    I hear ya on the city thing – I’m from small town Nova Scotia, had never been on a bus before university in St Catharines.. all of Ontario was daunting to me. I have finally mastered the TTC and am still skeptical of new transit systems, but I can get by. Ambivert totally makes sense – I’m outgoing when I need to be/feel like it, but like quiet time too. There’s definitely no “right” way to travel

    • September 03 2013

      BALANCE! Maybe that means we’re balanced. Baaahaha. I kid.

      Yeah, I always feel like bit of a dolt in a new city. I’m like OMG THERE ARE TRAINS AND BUSES AND SO MANY PEOPLE

  • August 28 2013
    Katka

    I love how you went to London for “the weekend” – damn Canada being closer to Europe than me…

  • August 28 2013
    Katka

    I love how you went to London for “the weekend” – damn Canada being closer to Europe than me…

    • September 03 2013

      Hahaha oh no, that was when I was studying in Harlow, England. But yeah, London is only a 5-hour flight from me. And yet I have to fly to Toronto first to get there…

  • August 28 2013

    This is fantastic! I’m not thrilled on solo travel – I’ve done it, didn’t die, but that doesn’t mean I’d rather do it than go with my best friend.

  • August 29 2013

    “The thing is, there’s no right way to travel. You just do whatever the hell you want to do, as long as you’re doing it.”

    Best quote about travel ever. I can’t deny I love solo travel, but I totally get that not everyone does. Just like not everyone is going to want to go backpacking, or do an inclusive resort vacation, or any of the other many ways a person travel.

  • August 29 2013

    “The thing is, there’s no right way to travel. You just do whatever the hell you want to do, as long as you’re doing it.”

    Best quote about travel ever. I can’t deny I love solo travel, but I totally get that not everyone does. Just like not everyone is going to want to go backpacking, or do an inclusive resort vacation, or any of the other many ways a person travel.

  • August 29 2013
    OCDemon

    I’m pretty sure most people enjoy solo TRAVEL, but not solo hanging-out-in-a-city. And I think it’s important to find a great travel buddy, because solo travel is better than travel with a mediocre friend who’ll want to spend 10x as much as you, etc etc. Plus it’s important to find a travel buddy who makes you more outgoing. Sometimes people just stick to their friends like flies and don’t talk to anyone else, whereas others become more sociable around each other and they have fun with everyone in sight. Sounds like your buddy.

  • August 29 2013
    OCDemon

    I’m pretty sure most people enjoy solo TRAVEL, but not solo hanging-out-in-a-city. And I think it’s important to find a great travel buddy, because solo travel is better than travel with a mediocre friend who’ll want to spend 10x as much as you, etc etc. Plus it’s important to find a travel buddy who makes you more outgoing. Sometimes people just stick to their friends like flies and don’t talk to anyone else, whereas others become more sociable around each other and they have fun with everyone in sight. Sounds like your buddy.

    • September 03 2013

      Totally. Like I said to Steph (above), it’s a good test in compatibility! I’ve had the extreme opposite experiences from the one I had with Julia, of course.

  • August 30 2013
    BakoymaTravels

    “Drinking beer in a canola field would be a whole lot weirder if I were alone.”
    Haha! I aboslutely love that comment! ;-D

    I travel solo a lot too, kinda love it, but don’t think it’s necessarily better than travelling with others. I have to watch out too, though, I might be on the fast track to becoming my own person so much no one will ever enjoy travelling with me again :-P

    Enjoy your trips!

    • September 03 2013

      Hahaha, thank you!

      I suppose it’s like living alone, huh? Once you get used to it, you can’t ever go back to living/travelling with other people…

      • September 04 2013
        BakoymaTravels

        It is indeed ;-)

  • August 30 2013
    Stephanie

    I’m really glad you wrote this! I actually really LIKE solo travel, although I don’t really get to do it too much anymore now that I have Mike tagging along everywhere :). That said, I really resist any travel philosophy that says you must do or like something. Everyone is different, we all travel different and that is A OK.

  • August 30 2013
    Stephanie

    I’m really glad you wrote this! I actually really LIKE solo travel, although I don’t really get to do it too much anymore now that I have Mike tagging along everywhere :). That said, I really resist any travel philosophy that says you must do or like something. Everyone is different, we all travel different and that is A OK.

    • September 03 2013

      Thanks Stephanie! I agree. There’s no RIGHT way to do it. And I hope everyone tries it once.

      Also, I think travelling with your partner is a good test in compatibility. ;)

  • August 30 2013

    I like to solo travel. Maybe it has something to do with me being an only child… or maybe because I’m easily annoyed by people – I don’t know. I do drag my dog along with me on my trips so I’m not totally alone… or at least that’s why I tell myself!

    • September 03 2013

      I love that you travel with a dog. I can’t even imagine!

  • September 03 2013

    I enjoy solo travel probably a little more than travelling with friends, but I do love it once in a while of course! :) Love your photos ps. x

  • September 11 2013
    Lenovo Vibe X S960 Android GPS

    Traveling with friends is a lot more fun and exciting when you plan everything ahead of the time. This will help you avoid hassles during the trip. http://www.backcountrynavigator.com/

  • September 13 2013
    The Wondernuts

    A BIG thank you.

    seriously.

    it’s fun to share memories. Ask any solo traveler and they’ll tell you, eventually that shit gets old.

    Furthermore, how come there’s no love for the ambiverts. The middle-of-the-roaders who could take it or leave it when it comes to social interaction.

    • September 17 2013

      Right?! The introverts have been getting ALL the attention! Haha

    • September 17 2013

      Right?! The introverts have been getting ALL the attention! Haha

    • September 17 2013

      Right?! The introverts have been getting ALL the attention! Haha

    • September 17 2013

      Right?! The introverts have been getting ALL the attention! Haha

  • September 17 2013
    Andy

    I agree with you, it’s more fun to travel with someone and to share the memories and the adventures on the trip.

    • September 17 2013

      Different strokes for different folks, but I agree!

  • November 04 2013
    Steven

    I solo travel because most people around me don’t want to explore and experience new things. However, I’m not a big fan of it. I’d rather share the experience with someone else. It’s more fun with people around. Also, go ambiverts!

    • November 06 2013

      I’m in the same boat, and I’ll travel solo anyway, but my friends don’t often get the opportunity to join me. Bummer.

  • December 04 2013
    Imogen Wallis

    I always thought travelling solo would be something I would hate, however since interning in SE Asia with SOLS 24/7 , and planning to travel once I’ve finished, I’ve realised coming here alone has forced me to be more social and make more friends!

    Yes it does get lonely sometimes but so far i’ve met some amazing people. I can only hope the rest of my experiences are as interesting and as fun as yours!

  • December 04 2013
    Imogen Wallis

    I always thought travelling solo would be something I would hate, however since interning in SE Asia with SOLS 24/7 , and planning to travel once I’ve finished, I’ve realised coming here alone has forced me to be more social and make more friends!

    Yes it does get lonely sometimes but so far i’ve met some amazing people. I can only hope the rest of my experiences are as interesting and as fun as yours!

    • December 05 2013

      Nice, Imogen, I really want to do a volunteer trip like that as well. Such a good way to meet people. And you’re right! Really forces you to come out of your shell. Ironically, since writing this story, I’m not planning a five-month solo European trip. Haha.

    • December 05 2013

      Nice, Imogen, I really want to do a volunteer trip like that as well. Such a good way to meet people. And you’re right! Really forces you to come out of your shell. Ironically, since writing this story, I’m not planning a five-month solo European trip. Haha.

    • December 05 2013

      Nice, Imogen, I really want to do a volunteer trip like that as well. Such a good way to meet people. And you’re right! Really forces you to come out of your shell. Ironically, since writing this story, I’m not planning a five-month solo European trip. Haha.

    • December 05 2013

      Nice, Imogen, I really want to do a volunteer trip like that as well. Such a good way to meet people. And you’re right! Really forces you to come out of your shell. Ironically, since writing this story, I’m not planning a five-month solo European trip. Haha.

  • January 03 2014
    indohoy

    Oh how I enjoy this post. One more on my ‘rather not solo travel’ team. YAY!
    By the way, I just love your picture in the canola field, makes me wanna drink something there too :)

    • January 16 2014

      Hahaha, thanks! Ironically, I’ve also written a “I’m not a backpacker” post in the past, and here I am planning for six months of solo backpacking…

  • February 24 2016
    Anastashia

    We hope this email finds you well.

    I am writing on behalf of Science of Life Studies 24/7 Malaysia – SOLS 24/7 Malaysia.

    SOLS 24/7 is an award-winning humanitarian organization, committed to serve, educate and empower poor and underserved communities. Through various education and social empowerment programs, we work unconditionally towards transforming underserved communities to develop their true potential and break the cycle of poverty. Using revolutionary and custom-designed models – Science of Languages, Science of Technology and Science of Life – our organization provides free education and social empowerment programs. SOLS 24/7 would like to reach out to the university in order to recruit students who are interested to gain experience from an NGO, by doing their internship with us. We are writing this to inquire about the availability to promote our recruitment in your website. We hope to get a reply from you.
    In the meantime, have a great day ahead.

  • September 08 2016
    Sandra L.

    I took a solo trip to London this past spring. It certainly had its lonely moments. I met a potential friend on a day trip I took to the Cotswolds, but haven’t heard from her since.

    I wonder if there’s any way to travel solo yet meet people and not be so lonely. I think I was afraid to “talk to strangers” in the city. And I’m 52, so I’m very cautious. Maybe overly cautious?

    Open to suggestions!

  • April 22 2018
    Kaitlynn

    I know you wrote this years ago, but thank you so much. I’m a solid introvert on my first vacation alone and I’m just laying in my room sobbing because I feel like the only person on this planet that doesn’t like to travel alone. I’m terrible at making friends, probably the worst out there, so I’m incredibly lonely and just paralyzed with fear. This article gave me a little hope that maybe I’m not alone in hating solo travel.

    • May 14 2018
      Candice

      Aww, Kaitlynn. I’m sorry it took me so long to respond to this. I hope your trip is looking up. <3

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