Dear Dallas,

I have stalked your Twitter profile
I have traced your Internet footstep across
…
well, the Internet.
I have learned much in my journeys.

You are a USA bobsled athlete,
a soldier, a man with a soulful stare.
(I creeped your Facebook, too.)
Are you single?
No, wait.
Sorry.
I’ve had some wine.
I don’t mean to come on so strong.

But I do appreciate you following me,
as I do appreciate round numbers,
and goddamn if those “followers” digits
weren’t stuck in odds for days.

On your Facebook
I see that you’re wearing cowboy boots
and a cowboy’s belt, too.
Are you aware how much I like cowboys?
I had no idea cowboys liked to bobsled.
Cowboy bobsledding soldiers.
Cowboys.

How did you get the name Dallas?
Are you from Dallas?
What does it all mean?

Regardless.
Thank you for being my 10,000th Twitter follower.
Some day when I am famous
For writing the great Canadian novel
For being the last living ginger on the planet
You can sell this poem for dollar bills.