I believe it was Neil Sadaka who told us that breaking up is hard to do. Wait. So did The Carpenters, Carol King, and The Overtones. I’m sure TLC, The Spice Girls, and N’Sync had something to say about this too. The point is, breakups are hard and we all get a chance to figure that out on our own. No two breakups are the same and unless you struck gold on your first dig, you’re going to have plenty of failed relationships to compare.

 The First Love

 Your first love was the first person to give you butterflies. This person who held your hand first, kissed you first, and introduced you as a part of them. If your first love happens at a young age, you’re told that it’s “cute”. It’s “puppy love” and it’s “harmless”, but there are certainly no expectations of it lasting. A part of us will try to remember that it could all end one day but who wants to think about that when you could be having more productive thoughts, like who to invite to your wedding and what to name your future children. Maybe it happened because someone lost interest, changed schools, or, heaven forbid, farted. No matter what the reason is, you will remember your first breakup forever.

Mine was, well, awful. I thought he was the coolest guy ever. He played guitar, he was into sports, his voice totally stopped cracking already, he smoked, he dropped out of school… those last few don’t seem so cool anymore. Looking back, he was definitely the beginning to my long list of shady lame-ass boyfriends. Le sigh.

I was young, I was “in love”, and even when he called me to tell me that he was drunk and had just finished having sex… I still didn’t want him to break up with me. I have become slightly less pathetic since then. Now? Look at my dog the wrong way and you can get out.

The One Who Got Away

This person is absolutely perfect in every single way. Okay, maybe not, but how can we be expected to see that through rainbow beam colored lenses and awe-inspiring dates? The one who got away is that person who, no matter how hard you try after the relationship is over, cannot find fault with. This person leaves you and you immediately panic and scream for a different reality. There’s no easy way out of this one. This breakup stings and all you can do it move on the best way you can.

Sometimes you feel like this after every relationship until someone rips the tinted lenses off your face and stomps on them for you. Thanks, friends.

 The One Who Was All Wrong

 What an idiot stick. This is the person all your friends hated. This is the person you were hesitant to introduce to your family because they “wouldn’t understand”. This is the person who manipulated you, controlled you, and hurt you. This person sucks and you know it. The one who was all wrong for you stays on your mind for weeks, months, and years after the fact because of the false hope, false promises, and pain that they brought into your life. You might be angry with them but worse, you are probably angry with yourself for letting it happen. The one who was all wrong is the one who doesn’t deserve you or your time but whose past words and actions will keep you up at night.

*Picks name out of hat *

Ah. Okay. We’ll talk about that one.

The most recent relationship I was in was a joke. I had a really hard year and this guy, akin to my first boyfriend, was a tall attractive badass. Unfortunately, I like tall attractive badasses. Introducing him to my friends was like pulling the stopper out of a grenade and hoping it wouldn’t explode. I can’t even imagine if we got to the point where I’d have to introduce him to my family. Hell, I was even embarrassed of him when he introduced ME to HIS family. “Hi. Your son is a screw up but like… I’m totally fine.” He had absolutely no regard for anyone. Ever. I’m no doctor but a quick Google search has led me to believe that he’s an anti-social sociopath. That makes me feel better. The next time someone wakes up beside me, does a line of coke, and drinks a stale open beer from the floor… perhaps I’ll know better.

The Friendship Breakup

 Yes, ladies and gentleman, it’s true. Breakups do not always refer to romantic relationships. Breaking up with a friend can be one of the hardest breakups you will ever experience. When you break up with a partner, whom you do not live with and are not married to, it’s weird because it’s a friendship that comes to an abrupt halt. Friendship breakups don’t end that way. They’re usually messy, ugly, and involve a lot of drama and gossip before finally coming to a socially awkward, gut-churning finale.

I can’t even laugh and joke about these ones. They hurt.

The Best Friend’s Breakup

 Going through a breakup is hard but watching a friend go through a breakup can be harder. Watching a friend experience heartbreak is like witnessing a kitten, with tape stuck to its paws, struggle to make its way across a hardwood floor and there’s nothing you can do to help the poor little thing. Luckily, hugs and food seem to work as best as anything could in this situation. Be sure not to take your friend’s breakup too personally or it might end up affecting the relationship you have with your own partner.

The good news is that these relationships likely aren’t the only ones you will have. You will have amicable breakups, you will have the sort of breakup where you slowly drift apart and calmly accept that it is now a closed chapter, and you will have friendships that will last a lifetime. Relationships bring tears, laughter, and even lessons if you pay attention.

This guest post brought to you by Trish McNeill.